the speed of life

Some things have happened in my life since I last was here over a year ago. In October I got engaged on the top of a mountain in California. In February I got pregnant. In April I bought a house with my (at the time) Fiancé. A few weeks ago we went to City Hall and got married. Here I am floating in a lake in the early morning thinking about how lucky I am.

forest ouroboros

new growth is always so striking in spring. it is magic, yes but there is something happening underneath, always, and for me it is the constant underground rumblings that mystify and intrigue. it is the forest eating itself, it feeds itself on itself.



there is a constant breaking down of materials into earth, without this process there would be no new growth. it takes itself back into itself, consumes, subsumes, assimilates. makes room for the new.



we witness this process in our own life cycles, in our souls, in our history.



arms ups, quicksand. a slow drowning rebirth.



this tree has been there for about a year and a half. the moss is finally having its way.





there is a deer back there, horizon, just to the left of centre.



cannibal earth





and for good measure and to balance the destruction, some sprouts

transplanted this sapling to the grove because over the past few years a lot of trees have fallen victim to the wind. did three in total. we'll see.



i never want to walk in the woods without binoculars again. it's the best. but also terrifying, what if you saw something? and then couldn't find it again? thrilling

ramps on ramps on ramps. woods were full of them.



harvested a few bunches for meals while there and also for gifting to the most special of the special people in my life.



can't stay away from that forest peace. you can have the city, i know where i want to be.

i'm not here

ok i am kind of. i had an awesome vacation and i think my friends are probably tired of seeing my instagram photos of it so here is some overflow.

"But what if you, being a swan, had to pretend you were a mouse? What if you had to pretend to be gray and furry and tiny? What you had no long snaky tail to carry in the air on tail-carrying day? What if wherever you went you tried to walk like a mouse, but you waddled instead? What if you tried to talk like a mouse, but instead out came a honk every time? Wouldn't you be the most miserable creature in the world?"

suuuuuup. got the honeymoon suite. would you like to sit on this giant part of the giant balcony or the other giant part of the giant balcony? pre-dinner freshly showered/wet-haired and dressed appropriately for watching Game of Thrones. these are not in order don't even try to make sense.



morning sun.



ostrich time. this guy had his mouth open constantly, he's just like "eeeehhhhhhhh" all the time, continually.



the house cat took a liking to my heel. this cat is hilarious. domestic and obedient when it's time for food but she's got that wild glint her eye. she's her own boss.



night time path walks.



nature's lace



nature's negroni. enjoyed quite a few of these. bartender: "that's a strong drink for the daytime" me: "mmmhmmm".



BEAAAAACH



ps that's what my hair does the minute i step off a plane in a hot climate. i love it. a reminder of the wilderness.

more of nature's lace: a coral fan.



a presidente on the beach por favor.



gorgeous



so many treasures, everywhere.



this, we believe is a honeycomb cowfish. the only thing relatively close to what this looks like. pretty amazing. nature magic.



and i have no idea what this beautiful alien form is.



it can warm up here any time now, seriously.

missed this. just stopping in for a bit. xo

shadow woman

with another year out of the way, i'm making some changes. i've tried to walk the line here between sharing and privacy. there are things i've shared with people that i should have kept close to my heart. there are things that i should have shared, and didn't, out of fear of being judged. i have put trust where it didn't belong, in people that didn't deserve it, and that's a painful and difficult lesson to learn. i'll probably have to learn it again. i'm doing my best to live with an open, honest heart, and wondering about people's motivations for reading is starting to take a toll. this one-way street doesn't feel as friendly anymore, and i've been thinking about going quiet or private, for a while, anyway.



i haven't made any final decisions about it but i know i would miss doing this. i would miss telling you things like if you stood on the rock in that photo, you'd be the size of one or two of those individual lavender buds, maybe smaller. but, i think the time has come to turn inwards, to protect myself, and to be satisfied within. 

it was my birthday

woke up on my birthday morning with the company of one tiny cinnamon loaf who had made a nest on my belly in the night. of all the places in the entire apartment, that is where she chose to sleep. a pretty good way to wake up.



birthday itself was pretty good. had a few people over on saturday.



there were a few young'uns earlier in the night



wish i had taken more photos, always. most of my favourites showed up. some didn't, some couldn't.



then for actual birthday, delicious drinks after a delicious birthday dinner.





another year. some things change, some stay the same.

special thing

had a super chill hang with karen after work on friday. we needed to catch up. i am lucky to have that girl in my life. hi karen! you're the best and i love you.

venue: 416 snack bar. reason: it's the best. here is their scallop ceviche special thing. it was real nice.



and the other special thing (the girl, not the yorkshire pudding, although i'm sure that was special too).



taxi!



taxi WITH COTTON CANDY! even better.



saturday was for being cozy. i like the one night out, one night in format. that way you have one weekend day at least where you can get up early and be a productive member of society. both of mine were like that actually.



that heart on the door is a milagro, an amulet. you use it to invite divine intervention for what it represents. i could not say for sure if it works. an old friend (my ex ex) gave it to me. i leave it for you to decide what that means in terms of its effectiveness haha.



early to bed means getting a run in. loving the west end rail path for this. a nice, cozy, feels like -15 run where you don't dare take your hand out of your glove for one second lest your fingers get so cold that you won't be able to heat them back up and will have to run with your hands in your pockets. not that these photos are proof of that happening or anything. no, i don't have fancy running gloves with touch-screen enabled fingertips. that's cheese money.





i saw the path from the other side on saturday when i went to the backyard axe-throwing league event space, it's around the corner, kind of behind the building below. there is a video of one of my many bull's eyes. i've never had the feeling of being good at something physical, i've never had a sport that i was actually good at. what a trip that was. there was disbelief all around, mostly mine.



i walked in thinking "well this is going to be embarrassing" and left feeling like a warrior. needless to say i have emailed them about going to their main location to try it again. the feeling of the axe leaving your hands and hearing the satisfying CHUNK of it splitting into the wood is exhilarating. especially when it goes where you want it to go. like into a zombie's head. or an orc, obv.



from one fence to another. hello, i am a horned owl and i will look you right in the eyes as the -20 degree wind chill ruffles my fluffed-up feathers in slow motion. i will blink slowly, one eye at a time while you stand, mouth agape at my beauty. visit him and other beauties here.

i got a dream it don't ever come true

living room is where i want to be. fur face agrees.



progress on the recipe project.



beauty of a box. saw it ages ago and never stopped thinking about it. finally went back to get it.



progress on the curtain project too. much softer than the venetian blinds. i need a cozy space, there are no two ways about it.



small-faced bear also likes my new kitchen rug. she's finally hanging out in the kitchen, which i love because i spend  a lot of time in there.



drinking a glass of water.



had some very special ladies over for some baking. made a huge batch of granola.



there were about two more of these. it's expensive to make but so worth it cause you know exactly what's in it.



something else you should eat: black bean/sweet potato thingies.



can of black beans, diced onion and garlic, fresh thyme, one egg, some cooked sweet potato. mash it up, make it into burger shaped thingies, bake em.



wake up it's monday, you can do it.



cozy couch time, you can do that too.



dinner with this guy and his lovely mama. "FOLLOW ME!!!"



how can i even? you're so fast!



here's how. this is the only way to keep up with him, and luckily my favourite way to travel.