with another year out of the way, i'm making some changes. i've tried to walk the line here between sharing and privacy. there are things i've shared with people that i should have kept close to my heart. there are things that i should have shared, and didn't, out of fear of being judged. i have put trust where it didn't belong, in people that didn't deserve it, and that's a painful and difficult lesson to learn. i'll probably have to learn it again. i'm doing my best to live with an open, honest heart, and wondering about people's motivations for reading is starting to take a toll. this one-way street doesn't feel as friendly anymore, and i've been thinking about going quiet or private, for a while, anyway.
i haven't made any final decisions about it but i know i would miss doing this. i would miss telling you things like if you stood on the rock in that photo, you'd be the size of one or two of those individual lavender buds, maybe smaller. but, i think the time has come to turn inwards, to protect myself, and to be satisfied within.
i haven't made any final decisions about it but i know i would miss doing this. i would miss telling you things like if you stood on the rock in that photo, you'd be the size of one or two of those individual lavender buds, maybe smaller. but, i think the time has come to turn inwards, to protect myself, and to be satisfied within.
8 comments:
This reminds me of this TED Talk I watched not too long ago, about vulnerability, and how it's the birthplace of love, belonging and courage (in its original meaning, to live by what your heart tells you), but how it's also where shame and being afraid come from... it's such a fragile line to walk. I hope you find the way that's right for you. XO.
* Meant to add the feeling of insecurity to the latter part.
It is such a fragile line, and it's funny how this seems to be more or less relevant at at different times in our lives. Sometimes I really don't care what other people think, and then sometimes someone goes crawling through my back entries and I get to wondering who they are and what they're looking for, and it makes me feel self-conscious. I just want to exist without worrying about it! I knew you'd understand :)
Oh I understand, all too well :)
I feel like an asshole if I don't comment on this - or a creep - which I probably am. I somehow stumbled across your blog when I was doing a Google blog search to the tune of relocate+toronto. My boyfriend lives outside of Toronto and I live in San Francisco and I am moving there in summertime. I've enjoyed reading your blog and it has been insightful for me. I totally understand your desire to go in to the shadows. The guilt of not speaking up was consuming me so now you know why I was lurking round.
you are definitely not a creep! glad you've enjoyed reading, i'll likely be back at some point, maybe when it turns warm. good luck with your move!
I may or may not have had something to do with your fear of being judged. If anything I said made you feel that way, I am sorry. It's probably cos I felt judged myself my entire life. Your blogs and pics were and are awesome so I kept coming back. I wish you well and can still see the crazy Goth chick from NT, even though you've "cleaned up".
..Some curly haired chick from Classic's and Selby's homeroom.
Same poster as above. Further reasons I come here to get my foodie fixes. Not being a vegan or a vegetarian I feel limited when it comes to cooking. As a fellow cat lady I love the cute cat pics. You've got a good sense of aesthetic and you write well, all the hallmarks of a successful blog. Please stay! Filter posts if you must for privacy, but these are my benign reasons for checking in frequently.
As for this being a one-way street, I'll give back with these two songs. The visuals are as good as the songs (the first one's good picker upper): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNJureMTeZA&list=PLvil5iqQoicMXiQUYS5Zjngp698pMpWcm
Here's another: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57VVXC5uKfg&list=PLvil5iqQoicMXiQUYS5Zjngp698pMpWcm
I found you and Lauren on Facebook, but if you're in a private head space I totally understand.
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